Monday, January 12, 2009

Aristolife: Building up the Strength to just...JUMP

"I hope that my achievements in life shall be these--that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, and that I will have given help to those who were in need that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been." -C. Hoppe
People that know me well know that I am very averse to any sort of risk. Everything must be well thought, planned, deliberate, and backed up by a contingency plan. In fact, I have come to understand that much of my life, achievements, and drive come from a profound sense of fear. It is my fear of death that drives me to in someone beat death and live a healthy lifestyle. This fear is the culmination of my emotions felt from losing both my grandfathers to heart disease and cancer respectively. So in every way, my decision to live my life is out of fear of facing a similar end. Likewise, my fear of being swallowed up by this world and it's injustice and corruption lead me to excel in academics and to eventually pursue law school. In obtaining a certified knowledge of the law, in some way I feel that I cannot be taken advantage of in the same way the law and justice can unfairly victimize unknowing American citizens. And lastly my fear of heartbreak and disappointment has impeded me from developing close friendships and personal relationships. I can talk and socialize with many people, and some may describe me as gregarious, but I do enjoy quiet time where I can gather my thoughts and well, think. Think and worry endlessly about all the possible things that may be out of my control and then construct or devise a plan under which I can obtain control.
As I have gotten older and realized these personal truths, I have slowly begun to break down the barriers and be open more to taking risks. It's not like I am going to go wild, but I am having to become more comfortable with "not knowing" or not being able to control every outcome. Presently, as it relates to the photo above, my life is being taken on a different route than what I had tried to create. I have tried to avoid a direct career in politics, yet it is in this field that I am most passionate. I was going to just transition from law school into a job that was convenient (and a great opportunity) that was not related to politics. These couple of opportunities I had lined up were sidelined after the deep recession. And by a turn of events, I find myself on the edge of fate, about to take a great leap of faith, hoping to land on to destiny. It is a scary thing, but I feel it is time I start to cultivate a little more faith. So here I go...

No comments: